Far Cry Thread #13: Now John!

 //NOW JOHN!!! Woooooo!!!

"You know, even if you think you’re protecting me, you don’t have a right to shut me out like that." Allya's words rang out though they were soft as she stared over at John from where he sat. He had been moody the last few days and she had tried everything she knew how to coax him back out. Nothing had worked. "I thought we were closer than that. What is it that is so bad that you can't tell me, John?"

She didn't want to seem pushy or anything, but she knew she was out of the loop for a lot of things lately and it was driving her nuts. John being moody was just one thing that was bothering her. He seemed distant as well and that put her on edge a bit too. Always so....well...not affectionate, but at least he was more warm and open to her than he was being the last few days.

"I can protect myself but I can't if I don't know what to protect myself from and you aren't helping me by hiding...whatever you are hiding from me."

She had no idea what it was that could make him act this way. Was it something he and his brothers were planning? Was it something else entirely and just his own feelings? What! "I could help, if you'd just talk to me...."

She was getting irritating at this rate. The first time she'd swung by he'd been out of it on pain meds and hardly woken up, the second time he'd had his guys simply claim he didn't want to see anyone.... And the third time, and the forth. Then finally he'd let her in the fifth time and gave her a basic drawl about being busy which he'd acted as if he was mostly sense then. Granted he had his reasons but mainly he just wanted to be left alone. His entire life had been turned upside down, quite literally and the last thing he wanted to do was sit around and talk to Allya. Nor did he want her anywhere near his little project. Thus running her off was the best option each time.

 

Now she was running her mouth, again, about how she knew something was up and was demanding answers. She'd been following him, just trying to talk through the bunker hallways for a few minutes and finally he'd sent his two guys ahead. Tired anyway he sunk down atop one of the large crates just outside the doors his men had just gone through. Dropping his crutch to the side he wore a rather unamused expression as he moved to pull a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. "And congratulations you still aren't coming down to the Atonement room with me and I'm still busy" He remarked snidely knowing her last comment was again her feeling he was HIDING something and purposely pushing her away. In a way he was, on both accounts but then it wasn't her place anyway. Her place was up with Jacob and his nature loving realists praying to the burning flag and mother nature.

Taking a drag of the cigarette in his hand he began to snicker rather suddenly. "Àaawww close? You are dumber than shit you know that? Few fancy words and you'd probably fall for a Moose" He snarked. Shit, that may have been a bit to far. He hadn't been thinking but, well he was slowly unraveling at the seems. Why play as though he wasn't? Everyone saw it! Shit when she had shown up twenty minutes before he'd been yelling into the phone at Joseph before being hung up on. "Now if you want to get sentimental.... I suggest you go find a Moose. Not really my thing" He sneered slowly blowing the smoke from his lips.

 

She had been by to see him so many times today. Actually worried about him since he had been hurt and he had sent her away all five times...till recently. And why> Just so he could yell at her? Well, excuse her for caring! Though nothing actually hurt her until the last words slipped out of his mouth. Those last words of his own pain, reflected onto her, really did hit her where it hurt. She might not have been a virgin or anything when they had hooked up, but she was sure there had been some hint of feeling on his end...otherwise she never would have. She wasn't easy or the type to just sleep around. There had to be something, some connection, no matter how little of an emotion, and she had been sure he had felt it too. Was she wrong? "You don't mean that." She said softly, giving him a neutral look as she would not let him see how much that had actually hurt her. "You are hurt and upset and worried and projecting onto me because you know I can take it. I care about you John, otherwise I wouldn't be here. My place is wherever I decide it to be, and right now, it is here. I understand things around here are off limits and I am not asking for access...I want to help, that's all."

 

Snorting a bit of a laugh he cast her a rather skeptical look. "Am I? When did you become a fucking shrink? Honestly Allya ... If I wanted to talk about my feelings I'd hire a more attractive hooker" He snarled back growing even more on edge the longer this conversation went on. Though this time, he only worsened his inner guilt even more which was beginning to build up inside hard. He hadn't wanted to go off on her but what else!? He couldn't tell her what was really wrong. He couldn't tell anyone! Wouldn't! What would people fucking think!? What would they do!? No he'd grown up taught to NEVER show your true colors to anyone. To blend in. And though that sometimes turned into moments of rage like this he'd always been this way. Perhaps he needed some time alone to cope at this rate but.... Well that he'd have to worry about later.

 

The words that left his mouth, the use of the word 'hooker', made her grip on her control drop for the barest second and her jaw actually dropped before she stiffened her spine and raised her head a little as control returned. No! She could see what he was doing and she wouldn't permit him to do it. He was hurt and upset, yes. She knew that. But he was holding something bit inside of him too and she knew that it was eating him up inside. She didn't want to pry as she hated prying, but all she wanted was to let him know that she was there for him, that she cared, no matter whether he talked to her or not...and all he did was throw it back at her. Well, she could be stubborn too!

"Be angry at me all you want, John. Rage at me. Say things that will hurt come morning, but I am NOT leaving." So saying, she turned and went to take up a seat nearby, snorting softy in his direction. "You shouldn't be alone when this upset....you don't have to talk...but I am staying. My place, is here." She could be stubborn too.

 

"Awesome enjoy the crate!" He retorted rather quickly moving to use his crutch to help pull himself back up. Letting out a frustrated breath through his nose. Mentally he was already screaming and he was fighting so hard not to snap far worse than what he had at her. So hard! He hated feeling cornered and.... Well to say he slightly felt that way. Moving to bang on the large metal door to have his guys unlock it for him he forced himself to take a breath. Just don't look at her, just don't look at her. Just walk away. He kept having to repeat as footsteps neared the door.

 

Noticing the look of a caged animal cross his face, Allya felt her heart break just a little for him. Had she pushed to hard? That wasn't her intention. She wasn't the best at social cues at times, but instincts...those she could read like a fucking book. Seeing the way, he tried so hard not to look at her, with the hidden rage behind his eyes. Yep, she knew that look. Standing, she sighed softly, deeply as she looked over at him and nodded slightly. Understanding his need for space. "I'm sorry, John." She said softly as she turned and walked out. Heading to the other side of the bunker where she rested against the cold metal of the wall, within the soft grass that fluttered nearby. She couldn't leave him fully. That wasn't her way...but she did understand the need for space. So she had given him some. She'd find a place to bed down later, but for now, she simply sighed and looked up at the coming night. Stars would be bright tonight. That tiny thought made her smile ever so slightly.

 

Where he went first? Joey, had screamed rather endlessly as the cameras rolled. Suffering every bit of pint up rage he held for that stupid cop punk and his friends as well as that deep fury he currently held for both of his older brothers. One was so tucked away! He didn't care anymore that was clear! Whether he loved or died or what happened to him. Even let Joseph say things and stayed quiet! And Joseph! Nothing he ever did was good enough! Nothing ever would be! Still he ended up mentally pushing more blame on the resistance the longer the torture had gone on. They'd see the tape soon, he'd make sure of that.

Once that had been over he'd ended up back in his whole again and rather drunk as a skunk even before dinner time. Thus, by the time everyone was eating in the main lounge area he'd came staggering in. Using both crutches now seeing as he'd managed to eat shit trying to use one and even then he didn't look all to steady. The moment he had a lot fell silent eyes glancing towards him curiously. Not exactly something John wanted right now and immediately as he moved to sit across from Simon he shot a glare at one of his guys nearby. "Keep staring and the next time I have to deal with you David. I'll tattoo your fucking eyeballs" John slurred. At this point even Simon was looking at him like he'd grown another head. John had NEVER been outwardly this bad until recent events, and clearly it was only getting.... Worse.

"I don't think Joseph will like that" Simon remarked not looking to amused by the others rather psychotic threats. Immediately John's eyes shot towards his second glaring angrily. "Well then it's a good thing I don't give a fuck!" John slurred venomously at the other. Fuck, now even more we're staring and ... Well more so people were getting up to leave. Noting easily the uncertainty in the situation.

 

Having sat outside for most of the day, just recentering and trying to relax, Allya wasn't aware of the commotion going on inside the chowhall portion of the bunker. Standing, she walked back inside and noted that it was mealtime, as she could smell the food but that wasn't what drew her in.

Hearing John rail at those closest to him, immediately caught her attention. That wasn't like him, and she could already see people either getting up to leave because of it or curious about it altogether. That wasn't good either.

Grabbing some food on a tray, she lingered, listening and noting the reactions of those around John and who he was yelling at. She so didn't want to set the man off again, but noting how drunk he was, she wasn't all that worried that he could possibly follow through with his threats, even more so towards her. Coming to sit beside him, she ate silently. She wouldn't interfere unless she felt she had to. But seeing as she was still there might either set him off or calm him. Either way.

 

Moving to stand Simon shook his head almost seeming to think for a moment before his eyes moved back to John with annoyance. Moving to lean back in the table his face close enough he could whisper now his eyes soon met John's. "Well some of us do.... You're going to make people question acting this way. Doubt. Cause inner conflict. I suggest you think about that and what Joseph said would happen if you fail. No one's important and we both know that. Not even you" the other hissed at him in warning before moving to stand and turn walking away.

For a moment John may have looked pissed, his jaw tightening, nostrils flaring, shit even the way one of his fists balled up in anger. Still, he didn't go after Simon as the other left and merely moved suddenly knocking everything in front of him from the table and onto the floor with a loud crash, his head soon came to rest in his hands as if in defeat. Which it almost was with what Simon has just told him. Reminded him of more like it. Joseph held much over their heads but he'd been legitimately angry at John last they'd talked. He nearly believed Joseph might follow through with those threats.

 

Her food went flying when John had his spot of temper since she was sitting so close to him. 'Well that was unhelpful.' She thought to herself as she sighed softly to herself.

Looking over at him, she reached out and lightly rested her hand atop his. "John?" She kept her voice low, for his ears only and not caring if anyone saw. She really cared about him, regardless of what he thought about her or what he was going through at the moment. Someone that much in pain shouldn't be left alone and she wouldn't.

 

Feeling Allya's Hand on his he didn't move, not at first anyway. Taking a slow breath his eyes shifted up finally "I'm fine... I'm fine... " He muttered rather quickly, almost sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than anyone else around him. Though as his hands dropped from his head and he straightened up again he noted the only people around were the kitchen staff cleaning up behind the counter. Moving to push up from the table he grabbed his crutches turned and headed for the door again. Quickly retreating anyway. Maybe he shouldn't have came out of his hole at all at this point. Simon, was right. He was only making shit worse now like he really needed it. Then again did he care? What else could he fucking do to fix any of this!?

Stopping near the doorway his head began to spin a bit however and he ended up for a moment leaning there in a bit of a daze. Damn it! Ever so slowly he began to slide down the frame of the door until he was sitting again. He'd hardly managed to do more than pick at the food and thus on an empty stomach and how much he'd drank he was still very much fucked up. Fuck if Joseph could see him right now! He rather suddenly began to snicker a fair bit deranged like and out of nowhere at the thought.

 

She watched as he tried to pull himself back together, but seeing John all but collapse on the side of the bunker made her sigh as she stood and went to kneel beside him. Paying no mind to his deranged laughter as she waited for it to pass. "John....come on." She said his name softly as she held out her hand to him. "Let me help you, just this one time. You got to eat, and you are never going to heal if you don't take care of yourself." She moved to sit beside him, to give him a moment, looking around for a place she could lug him to rest if she had to. Since she wasn't permitted below. "I'm not going to leave you like this." Her words soft as she gently rubbed his back. Trying to help him, trying to soothe him.

 

His laughter had soon turned to sniffles, tears brimming his eyes as he sat there one knee pulled to his chest and mostly not paying any mind to Allya's pleas to help him up, or for him to eat. He wasn't hungry anymore, he just. Couldn't make it back to his rooms. However as she kept talking his gaze slowly drifted up to look at her a bit delirious looking. "And why not? Everyone else fucking does.... So just go. Get out. What are you even trying to prove?" He slurred at her, a bit of anger still twinged in his voice but mostly he just sounded rather defeated at this point.

 

"Because when someone you love is in trouble, you don't run or abandon them." She quoted back to him the lessons she had been taught by her mother. Things she believed very much in. "I care very much for you, John and I can see you're hurting. Why would I leave?" Her eyes furrowed slightly as she gazed at him, still lightly rubbing his back. Even though she could still hear the anger in his voice, it wasn't as built up as earlier. So she judged it safe enough to hang around. "And I am not like everyone else. Haven't you learned that by now?" She lightly teased. "Come on....let's start by getting you off the cold floor, alright? Then we take it one step at a time. Together."

 

"Pfft..." He scoffed back to her first bit of a response head dropping back tiredly to his knees. "Considering I've known you what? Almost two months?" He sort of shot as well still mostly staring off at the concrete. Had it been that long? Or longer? By now yeah two months was a safe assumption despite it did feel longer sense he'd ran into them down at Mary Mays. "I just wanna.... Go to my room" He muttered under his breath. Yeah, maybe curl up and sleep until he couldn't anymore then redo.

 

"Sometimes you don't have to know a person long to just know how you feel about them, John." She said softly as she stood and hovered over him. "Alrighty...let's get you to your room then. Come on, give me your hand." She held out her hand in offering. Knowing these boys though, they could be as stubborn as her. "You're gonna have to help me though, John. I can't carry you there myself." She chuckled a little.

 

Hardly even looking up at her John only had to decide for a moment before his hand finally moved out to take hers. His other moving to use one of the crutches as well he slowly staggered up and for a moment swayed staring down at the ground as tried to shake off the delirious feeling. Yeah that wasn't happening anytime soon. Eyes falling shut as he fought not to away to much he moved to slightly pull away again. Muttering a few cursing under his breath as he clung to the crutch. Yeah, one of these days he probably would just eat shit and end up with a bigger break. Staggering a bit he soon ended up simply moving to wrap an arm over her shoulders in place of the other crutch, simply giving up the idea of making it back to his room in all of a few seconds flat.

 

Taking his hand into her own, Allya pulled John up into standing and helped to steady him a bit. When it looked like he would pull away, she let him but then smirked when he ended up wrapping his arm back around her for support. She In turn, wrapped her arm around his waist and smiled faintly over at him. "So which way?" She asked as she had never actually been to his room before. Couch...yes. room...no. but she'd help him get there and stay for as long as he desired.

 

"Right... End of the hall.... Back of the dormitory" John slurred in response still holding onto her a bit tightly, nearly leaning more so towards her then the crutch for the moment but as they'd began moving that changed. Limping along beside her he mostly tried to avoid a lot of the looks from around him as they passed people. Yup, again Simon was right. He was losing control and quickly.

Thoughts wandering his head had nearly dropped from his shoulders it hung so low by the time they made it to the area just outside his door. He only noticed die to passing by the rows of bunks in the main room and nearly tripping on Sanchez's fucking boots.... Again.... For the sixth time sense they moved everyone down here permanently. "Fucking stupid mother fucking bitch!" He slurred rather suddenly sounding like he was about to hit a hundred again. Hand gripping onto the females short his eyes shot back and around but not seeing the other he simply let out an angry huff.

 

Seeing John nearly trip over some boots, Allya helped to steady him and shoved them aside with her foot and leaned over to kiss his cheek, in an attempt to calm him back down. He didn't need to go off again. "It's ok, John. We are almost there." She grinned a bit at him, helping him to his door and waiting to see if he had a key or not.

Reaching out, she tried it and found it unlocked as she helped him past the threshold and headed for his bed. "Here...easy...sit." She eased him down onto the bed and smiled a little at him. "Better? You want anything?" She asked as she settled lightly beside him.

 

//Pretty sure the one above it was after the plane crash incident

/end transcript 3:02 p.m.